LESSONS FOR SINGLES AND THEIR PARENTS FROM GENESIS 24

(Combined notes of 4 sermons by Pastor Dave Merck)

Introduction. The Lord has placed a number of singles in our midst. Some are older, and have been single for a number of years. There is also a whole new crop of young people as well who are rapidly approaching adulthood, or are newly-entered into adulthood, who are wrestling with new interests in members of the opposite sex, with a growing sense of loneliness, and with an increasing desire for the companionship of a husband or wife. Many of the rest of us are parents or grandparents or friends of the single adults and young people in our midst.

Thus, the subject of singleness and its legitimate ending through marriage is no little concern to most of us here this morning. And well it should be. For the issue of marriage is one of vital importance for the fruitfulness, and godliness, and temporal and eternal happiness of those singles sitting here. Many are the singles who have sinfully grown impatient in this area and broken down the barriers of marital purity because of their aching desire for companionship. Many there are who have made wrecks of promising lives -- their own, their spouse's, and their children's -- because of unwise and ungodly marriage decisions. How may a single avoid the pitfalls facing them in this major battle-ground of his or her life; and safely, and with God's blessing, pursue a spouse? How should parents seek to guide their young people in this vitally important area of life?

It is my purpose to direct our attention to a passage of God's Word which is bursting with instruction for singles seeking a husband or wife, and for their parents as well. Perhaps no other passage of God's Word is more helpful in earthy practical ways in this area than the positive picture of godly bride-seeking presented in Genesis chapter 24.

The details of how Abraham bound his trusted servant with an oath and sent him back to Mesopotamia to obtain a wife for his son Isaac from among his relatives, of how the servant faithfully carried out his task, and of how the Lord blessed his endeavors leading to the marriage of Rebekah to Isaac are familiar to most of us. Therefore, it is not my purpose to first chronologically review in more detail the contents of this chapter. Rather, I will immediately begin to focus on six categories of lessons flowing from this chapter which especially apply to the subject of the seeking of a spouse. Each of these categories begin with a "p". They are:

I. Problem.

II. Parents.

III. Priorities.

IV. Perspectives.

V. Procedures.

VI. Provision.

Let's begin to consider these categories, touching only upon the first three. First of all, notice the matter of a:

I. Problem. At the very beginning of our text, we are confronted with a problem which existed and needed to be addressed. Gen. 24:1-4. 1 ¶ And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things.2 And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:3 And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:4 But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.

Notice with me several elements of this problem:

A. Abraham was an old man, and had been blessed by God in every way. Yet there was a serious concern -- a real lack -- which had not yet been addressed. Abraham's son, Isaac, the only offspring of his wife Sarah, and heir of all he had, was still single.

This was indeed a problem, for long before this time, in Genesis 2:18, the second chapter of the Bible, the living God had declared that something in the newly created, very good earth was not good. He pronounced that it was not good for the man to be alone, and that He would make him a helper suitable for him. Then in that same early chapter the Lord provided us with the account of the creation of the first woman, Eve, to be the companion of the first man, Adam -- thus initiating the creation ordinance of marriage. In this act at the very beginning of the created world, the Lord declared the general rule that it was not good for a man to remain single and unmarried indefinitely. And given the fact that he made the woman to be the companion of the man, the Lord was also implying that generally it was not good for a the woman to indefinitely remain single either.

Granted, the Lord Jesus did later in Mat. 19:12 declare that some rightly may make themselves eunuchs (i.e., remain married) for the sake of better being able to further the work of God's Kingdom. And He also underscored the reality that some, often because of providential circumstances beyond their control in a sin-cursed world, remain single all their days despite desires which they may have had to be married. But the general lesson which had been laid down in Scripture from the days of creation was that normally, single adults should desire and seek to, under the blessing of God, be married. And thus Abraham took steps to deal with this lack in the life of his son. But there was more to this problem of singleness for Isaac:

B. This matter of singleness would not have been such a concern if Isaac had been 13 or 15 or even 18 or 19 years of age. But notice a further element of this problem. Gen. 25:20. And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padanaram, the sister to Laban the Syrian.

Isaac was forty years of age and was still unmarried. It should be acknowledged that, in this earlier period, people lived longer than today. Abraham lived to the age of 175, and Isaac to the age of 180. However, at age 40, Isaac had been a single adult for quite awhile, and needed to be married. But there was more to the problem here:

C. An event had taken place not too long ago which had justify an even greater sense of loss and loneliness in the soul of Isaac than the mere sense of his singleness. In the preceding chapter -- chapter 23 -- we find that Isaac's mother Sarah had died in the fairly recent past. If we take into account the fact that Sarah was 90 or 91 when Isaac was born (Gen. 17:15-17; 21), and that she was 127 when she died (Gen. 23:1), this means that Isaac was 36 or 37 when his mother died. Evidently three or four years later, this loss of his mother still had justify an aching void of grief and loneliness in his heart.

Gen 24:67 67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.

This passage from the time of Isaac's marriage at age 40 clearly indicates that the grief of this event had been greatly affecting Isaac. Even more painfully than before, Isaac was caused to feel the need for a woman in his life and around the house, for the woman who had heretofore been the most important in his life and whom he had loved most up to that time was dead.

Before going on, please pause here to notice an application especially for single young men who have living mothers. Isaac is an example to you of the fact that you should have a strong, godly love for your mother. Until the Lord brings a special young lady into your life in a relationship moving toward marriage, your Mom should be the woman you love most of any women. And it should show in the way you treat her.

Here I would like to refer to the example of my apparently godly Great-Grandfather Jacob Heim who, as a young man in his early twenties, traveled with his sister from his home in a German Dunker (Brethren) settlement in Nebraska to visit family and friends back in Pennsylvania where they had lived earlier. While in Pennsylvania, he became attracted to a young lady in the German Dunker settlement there. He wrote back to his mother wondering if he was sinning against her because there was now a woman whom he loved more than his mother. He obviously should have received more instruction regarding such matters in his home before this time so that he would not have had a problem of conscience. But laying that reality aside, there was still a refreshing awareness of his duty to love his mother, and an apparently strong reality of his love toward his Mom which sadly seems so foreign in our generation, fixated as it is upon illicit sex, and concerned with having girl friends or boy friends from the earliest teen or even pre-teen years.

Your relationship with your Mother, young men, and your general relationships with all your family members dear single person, are not unrelated to how good a husband or wife you will be, as is seen with Isaac. Matthew Henry wisely observes the following regarding Isaac's obvious strong love for his mother:

"What an affectionate son he was to his mother . . . What an affectionate husband he was to his wife. Note, Those that have approved themselves well in one relation, it may be hoped, will do so in another . . ." (p. 152, col. 1, bot.)

Young men, do you love your Mother with strong affection? Do you show respect for her as your Mother even though you are growing up into manhood, or have already? Are you quick to obey her with a cheerful disposition? Or do you talk back with your mouth, or if you don't dare do that, with a scowl of rebellion? Do you delight to help your Mom and ease her heavy burden of responsibilities? Or can you only think of how her requirements or requests cramps your style and takes away from time for the things you want to do? If you really want to be a good husband someday and to have a home largely characterized by the blessing of God and happiness, you had better start right now by truly loving your Mom (and sisters too).

And young ladies, you had better look at the way that young man in whom you are interested, or become interested in the future, treats his Mom. On what basis do you think he will make a good husband someday, if he is disrespectful and unkind and argumentative toward his Mother now? Don't be a fool.

We could legitimately turn this around, to apply to the relationship between a daughter and her Dad as well. What was it that made Esther so attractive to the Persian king. Probably one element was evidence of a sweet, rightly submissive spirit which, unknown to the king, appeared in her obedient responses to her adoptive father, Mordecai.

But now we must return to the problem of a single Isaac who was also still grieving, years afterwards, over the death of his beloved Mother, Sarah. Here was an additional dimension of this problem -- one which Abraham probably had to some degree observed.

D. If we read between the lines a little, there may have been a further problem related to Isaac's continuing singleness. If you remember, when we encounter Isaac later, we find that he was a very humble and meek man who would rather repeatedly go elsewhere and abandon a good well that he had dug in a dry land rather than have conflict over the water rights with his neighbors. He appears to have been a more quiet, retiring type of person who may have been timid and hesitant in pursuing a wife for himself. The aggressive steps taken by his father in his behalf seem to underscore further this character trait. If true, this certainly would have increased the problem of Isaac's continued singleness.

E. Finally, there was a special problem in the continuing singleness of Isaac which was unique to this Old Testament man and his father. God had promised Abraham that he would have a great multitude of offspring through Isaac who would inherit the land of Canaan one day. But as long as godly Isaac remained single, there was no righteous way in which this covenant promise might be fulfilled. So Abraham peculiarly, as Isaac's father, felt the pressure of taking steps to deal with this situation, which he did.

All that we have seen regarding this problem of Isaac's singleness is full of instruction for us by way of reminder.

There are words of instruction first of all for the singles in our midst. You have no covenant promise that you will have a numerous offspring descending from you like Abraham and Isaac had. However, the other dimensions of the problem of Isaac's singleness still apply to you:

-- in general, it is righteous and godly that you should feel deeply your singleness, and that you should greatly desire to one day be married. That is the way God has made you, unless He has given you the unusual ability to remain single all your days in order to better serve Him. He has declared that it is not good to be alone. And thus that reality of the felt deficiency of your singleness should not be denied or made fun of or wrongly suppressed.

-- furthermore, the deficiency of your singleness generally will be felt more and more deeply if you remain single as you move from your teen years into your twenties, and then perhaps into your thirties or forties. This is what apparently happened to Isaac. The Apostle Paul acknowledges the reality of this pressure in 1 Cor. 7:36 where he speaks of a father concluding that he is behaving improperly toward his virgin daughter in keeping her single if she is past the flower of her youth, and thus it must be that she be married.

-- and also, if you lose your mother in death, or have moved away from your childhood home and no longer have your mother around you, the sense of lack in your singleness will probably have become greater as well.

-- finally, if you tend to be a more timid and reluctant single who does not tend to boldly venture out in seeking to initiate new relationships with anyone, let alone with someone from the opposite sex who might be a marriage candidate, that very timidity and hesitancy may even more heighten your sense of struggle and even frustration over your singleness.

The Word of God recognizes the problem of especially prolonged singleness -- the problem which you singles feel so deeply in your own souls. And thus you should also to expect that a good God gives some answers to deal with that problem. It is our purpose to seek to pursue some of those answers today and in a future message as well.

But before pressing on, there is also a word from this problem of singleness for parents and friends of singles as well, is there not? The biblical reality of this problem calls us to be sensitive to the struggles of our single children as parents, and of our single brothers and sisters in Christ as members of this church. This means that we ought to enter into their struggles with them sympathetically. It means that we will be very careful in joking with them about the subject lest, hidden under a veneer of laughter, they may really be sorely and needlessly wounded at a very vulnerable spot.

But especially for parents, there is more. It is at this point that we move from our first "p" regarding seeking a wife, that of the problem of singleness, to the second one:

II. PARENTS. When we take into account the fact that the entire chapter of Gen. 24 has to do with obtaining a wife for a single, 40-year old Isaac, and then read the chapter with the eyes of a 20th C. American, we are caused to raise the question, "Where is Isaac?" We don't see him doing anything, it appears, until the very end of the chapter when Rebekah is, as it were, delivered at his doorstep by the servant of Abraham. And when we look back at the beginning of chapter 24, who is it that we find taking the initiative in the matter of finding a wife for Isaac? It was the relatively new widower, Daddy Abraham.

Could it be that the recent loss of his beloved wife, Sarah, and the pain of his renewed, and even more acutely-felt singleness, had made Father Abraham more sensitive than ever before to the problem of his son's continued singleness. Immediately following chapter 24, in 25:1, we find the account of Abraham marrying another wife, so this need was obviously one acutely felt by this very elderly, approximately 140 year old patriarch.

But notice, Abraham did not merely stop with being sensitive to the problem and struggles of singleness for his son. He took concrete steps to alleviate the problem. He sent off his most trusted servant to obtain a wife for Isaac from a source where he had reason to believe he would find the most sympathy and willingness to help -- his larger family. And Abraham meant business, for he bound his servant with an oath sworn before God. And he shipped out a significant portion of his material wealth in the care of his servant for gifts, and as proof of the future wealth of his single son.

With the Lord's blessing, Abraham's assertive efforts as a parent succeeded. And his striking example here I believe has a specific application to the parents of singles -- there is a legitimate place for more assertive efforts by parents to encourage and seek the marriage of their single adult child.

A. This is true in general regarding all of our children. All parents should as much as possible and legitimate take a significant role in the marriage of their children. This should be done in giving them counsel, usually in giving (or not giving) permission to marry, and in other involvement in the marriage arrangements.

Parents especially should do what they can to bring their single, marriageable children into contact with other singles whom they may legitimately marry. This in a real, howbeit unusual, way was what Abraham was doing here since there were no proper marriage prospects for Isaac where they lived. In this instance, because Abraham was unable to allow Isaac to journey elsewhere, and because the distance from which an eligible young lady was being sought was so great, there apparently of necessity had to be a major commitment to marriage before she even set out to meet her future husband for the first time.

But I believe that it is especially true that parents should be assertive regarding at least two more particular cases:

B. When their son is more timid and reticent in seeking a wife for himself. This basically arranged marriage by Isaac's father was not strictly the result of the customs of the day. For several years later, Isaac had no problem sending his son Jacob off to Mesopotamia to get a wife for himself, after issuing instructions that he was to seek his wife from his larger family there. As we have seen, the uniqueness of the situation in Genesis 24 with Abraham unwilling to have his son marry a nearby Canaanite, and unable to allow his son to journey back to Mesopotamia to obtain a wife was part of the explanation for this unusual approach. However, I believe that part of the explanation for Abraham's unusual assertiveness may have also been the natively shy and reticent personality of Isaac which made him hesitant in the matter of pursuing a wife.

Likewise, parents may have to take an even more assertive posture in pursuing a wife for a son who is more shy and hesitant in the matter of courting, although the son ultimately must speak for himself as Isaac ultimately did in acting to take Rebekah as wife.

C. Parents finally may be warranted to take more assertive steps in pursuing a spouse for their children in the case of daughters. Although it is usually the man (or his parents) who initiates the pursuing of a marriage relationship (as in Genesis 24), there is a place for godly initiative on the part of parents (and possibly brothers) in seeking husbands for their daughters. Rebekah's parents and brother certainly were heavily involved in her betrothal. Remember that the Creating God brought His new daughter by creation, Eve, to her new husband, Adam. He not only acted to provide Adam with a wife. He also acted to provide Eve with a husband. Furthermore, the biblical terminology of daughters being given in marriage points to an active role of the parents of daughters. And the language regarding the father's role in the marriage of his virgin daughter in 1 Cor. 7 certainly points to major parental involvement. So parents should rightly take an active role in seeking to see their single daughters happily married -- especially if they get older and remain single.

Here I would mention the example of the parents of my Great-Grandmother Heim who had held back from moving from Pennsylvania where they lived to the new German Dunker (Brethren) settlement in E. Nebraska, because of a child buried in PA. But then they did move when their daughter became interested in a young man from that Nebraska settlement in order to keep the family close together and to make it possible for these two young people to pursue their relationship.

I'm not by this illustration suggesting that you should start moving away to find a spouse for your single child. However, there is here as well as in Gen. 24 displayed the fact that parents should be prepared to take an active and assertive role in seeking to see their single children married -- especially if they know and love the Lord like Isaac did.

Thus far we have considered the problem, and the parental role in the passage before us. But there is a third "p" which we need to consider, that of:

III. PRIORITIES. Gen. 24:1-9.1 ¶ And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things. 2 And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: 3 And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: 4 But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac. 5 And the servant said unto him, Peradventure the woman will not be willing to follow me unto this land: must I needs bring thy son again unto the land from whence thou camest? 6 And Abraham said unto him, Beware thou that thou bring not my son thither again. 7 The LORD God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence. 8 And if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath: only bring not my son thither again. 9 And the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter.

Abraham's servant was a wise and godly man, and wanted to be sure that his responsibility in obtaining a wife for Isaac was clearly-defined before he took an oath in God's name. (Here is the path of wisdom for anyone before they take an oath upon their lips.) The servant raised a legitimate question in light of the mission upon which he was being sent. In essence he was saying, "You are sending me to a distant land to bring a young lady back to marry a man she has never met. What if there is no young lady in your more extended family willing to come? After all, there are two parties in this matter. Should I in that case take your son to Mesopotamia (since you are old and might die before I return)?

Abraham's response in verses 6 - 8 is very instructive for us. It tells us that, although Isaac's singleness was a serious problem which needed to be resolved in marriage, and although Abraham was willing to take seemingly extreme measures in order to obtain the needed wife, there were limits to how far Abraham would go in seeking a wife for his son. He was willing to go a long ways in his efforts, but there was still a higher priority in his life (and evidently in Isaac's) than getting a wife for this lonely, grieving single son whom he loved dearly. For Abraham was unwilling to in any way go beyond the limits established by the will of God for him. His loyalty to Jehovah, the covenant-making and covenant-keeping God of Abraham was higher and greater than his sense of responsibility to his son. Even if that loyalty seemed to frustrate and thwart the fulfillment of the very covenant promises made by Jehovah. Abraham told his servant that if the young woman was unwilling to come, he was off the hook. Isaac would have to remain single for the time being, even if that seemed to mean that there would be no offspring to fulfill God's repeated covenant promises. For you see, Abraham had been down this difficult path of obedience and faithfulness to his God before. Remember God's command to sacrifice this very same son recorded in Gen. 22 -- an act which seemed to promise the end of any possibility that the covenant promises of a seed through Isaac could ever be fulfilled. Yet Abraham had in faith obeyed his God, believing that if necessary, God would raise Isaac from the dead. And at the crucial moment when he was about to slay his beloved only son, the Lord had stopped him and provided an animal to sacrifice in place of Isaac. The sometimes difficult course of obedience had already been chosen with the resulting blessing of God, and Abraham (and evidently Isaac) wasn't about to abandon that course of submission to the will of his heavenly Father now.

There were two points which evidently were places where the limits of the will of Abraham's God came into force in his conscience. There was first of all:

A. The matter of God's earlier command to Abraham to leave his old homeland of Mesopotamia and to go to Canaan which the Lord promised would be inherited by Abraham's offspring. The covenant promises in which Abraham placed his hopes in this world and in the age to come had resulted from, and were based upon his obedience to God's command to leave Ur of the Chaldees and to sojourn in a land which he had never seen before. And it was the land of Canaan which Abraham's seed was to inherit one day. Now his servant was proposing the possibility that Isaac go back to the land from which Abraham had come in order to be able to get a wife from their family. Evidently there was in this proposal the real possibility that Isaac might remain there and never come back -- either because the woman was not willing to leave her homeland, or because of Isaac's weaker personality, or both. (In this case there evidently was a difference from the later situation where Isaac did send his son Jacob back to Mesopotamia to get a wife. Then Jacob went fully intending and desiring to return home to Canaan as indicated in his prayer to the Lord at Bethel. And he was at this time fleeing for his life -- a fact which Isaac may have known, and which Rebekah definitely knew.)

There was no way that Abraham would even allow the possibility that the son of the promise, Isaac, should permanently leave the land of promise in disobedience to God. Twice in the strongest language he told his servant, "Beware, lest you take my son back there". Mesopotamia represented the old life apart from God, while Canaan represented the new life in obedience to God. At this point -- that of covenant faithfulness to his God -- there was no compromise, even if that meant no wife for Isaac.

But there was a second matter of concern as well:

B. The matter of whom Isaac was allowed to marry. Abraham was very clear that his servant was to swear that he would not take a wife for Isaac "from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I live, but you shall go to my country and to my relatives, and take a wife for my son Isaac."

Now in order to understand this concern and requirement, it is important that we get into our time capsules and go back to this earlier period of redemptive history. At present, under the New Covenant, the Word of God is clear that when choosing someone to marry, a child of God may marry anyone they choose, only they must marry in the Lord. The one they marry must be a true Christian.

However, if you remember, under the Old Covenant, the limitations as to whom the follower of Jehovah could marry were largely along bloodlines (unless one became a proselyte to the faith of the Israelites). Israelites were required to marry a fellow Israelite, and were not to marry the idolatrous Gentiles around them. God's Word was clear at this point. However, being a physical descendant of Abraham did not necessarily mean that one shared in the faith of Abraham as is evident in the history of Israel. So the requirements regarding marriage had to do primarily with physical bloodlines, and not necessarily always with a regenerated heart. However, a true Israelite in the fullest sense would have also loved and known the LORD, and it was the physical seed of Abraham among whom the worship of the true and living God was mainly preserved in the earth for centuries, and from whom descended the Lord Jesus, the Savior of the world.

With this Old Testament reality regarding marriages among the children of Israel before us, we must next recognize that in Gen. 24 we are in a period even before the nation of Israel. There were no other descendants of Abraham for Isaac to marry. So whom should he marry? At this point let me remind you of several earlier facts:

1. Evidently from the creation, there was a physical line among which were primarily the God-fearers on the earth as opposed to a physical line characterized by wicked men. The earliest genealogies in Genesis sketch this out, and in Gen. 6 we learn that it was mixed marriages between these sons of God and the daughters of men which helped lead to the great wickedness on earth which led to the flood in Noah's day.

2. Following the Flood, there was further indication that such a general spiritual pattern according to bloodlines would continue. In Gen. 9:25-27, the Lord through Noah had cursed Canaan and his descendants while especially blessing those of Shem. Abraham was a descendant of the line of Shem, among whom there was evidently preserved more of the fear of God, while the Canaanites among whom Abraham dwelt were sliding more and more into wickedness. In fact, the Lord had told Abraham that his seed would receive the land of Canaan from the Canaanites as the Lord took it away from them in judgment in the future when their wickedness had fully ripened. Thus there was no way in which Abraham could take a wife for his son from these increasingly wicked and cursed people.

3. However, when Abraham looked to his larger family, the descendants of Shem, for a wife for Isaac, this did not mean that this physical line necessarily were consistently, or fully fearers of God. Judg. 24:2&3 tell us that the father of Abraham served other gods. Later in Genesis we learn that Rebekah's brother Laban had household gods or idols which Rachel stole.

Having seen how Abraham kept his priorities straight in seeking a wife for Isaac, what do we learn from his example?

A. There is something worse than singleness. It is disobeying the Lord and rejecting His mercies. Singleness can be borne and can be exceedingly blessed and fruitful despite the struggles if you have the smile and presence of God upon you, dear single. Don't cut corners on the will of God out of a desire for a spouse, or for companionship and sexual satisfaction. A moment's gratification is not worth a lifetime or an eternity of misery.

Closely-related:

B. The very way through which you will obtain the desired gift of a blessed marriage, if that be best for you, will be through keeping your priorities straight and putting the Lord first in every area of your life including the area of your romantic life. Don't forget the words of Matthew 6:33:

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Of course, seeking first the kingdom of God means first of all that you must be a Christian. For you are totally unprepared for a truly wholesome and fulfilling marriage if you are living as an enemy of God.

But there is more that seeking first the kingdom of God means for the Christian single. It means that you must obey the Lord's command to marry only in the Lord, dear Christian single, and refuse to even begin a relationship with someone who is not a solid Christian. It means that you must obey the Lord's commands in the way in which you conduct any relationship you may have. It means that you should not let anything keep you from doing the will of the Lord which He has clearly shown you already. As you press on faithfully in the path of duty, the Lord will provide the desired husband or wife if it is for your best.

Having considered the matter of priorities, we come next to the issue of:

IV. PERSPECTIVES or heart attitudes. In the seeking of a wife or husband, there should be the careful cultivation and maintenance of proper heart attitudes -- both by the single, and by his or her parents. Here in a real sense, along with the matter of priorities (which is the key matter of perspective or heart attitude), is where the battle is won or lost in the matter of romantic love. The harboring and cultivating of ungodly attitudes will lead to tragedy and heartache in this area, while the cultivation and maintenance of godly attitudes will lead to God's blessing, including usually His gift of a godly husband or wife.

Isaac, Abraham and his servant are all good examples in Genesis 24 of such righteous and wise perspectives in the matter of seeking a spouse. Therefore, we will be drawing from all of their examples, seeking to apply what we see especially to singles, but also to their parents, living at the end of the 20th Century. First of all, we will be focusing on right perspectives or heart attitudes toward God, for if these are in order, our attitudes toward others will fall into line. So the first godly perspective is:

A. A recognition of, and submission to, the sovereignty of God in the matter of singleness and marriage. The sovereignty of God in the matter of marriage is certainly prominent in Genesis 24. In fact, Lange declares that the fundamental thought in the narrative is the providence of God in Isaac's marriage (p. 482). However, not only do the unfolding events of the narrative display the sovereignty of God. This account also reveals godly individuals who recognized and submitted to the sovereignty of God in the matter of singleness and marriage.

Notice first the words of Abraham to his servant -- as originally given: 24:7-8;7 The LORD God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence.8 And if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath: only bring not my son thither again. and as repeated by the servant to Laban and the others present: Gen 24:40-41.40 And he said unto me, The LORD, before whom I walk, will send his angel with thee, and prosper thy way; and thou shalt take a wife for my son of my kindred, and of my father's house:41 Then shalt thou be clear from this my oath, when thou comest to my kindred; and if they give not thee one, thou shalt be clear from my oath. In the midst of all the preparations and plans which were being made to obtain a wife for Isaac, Abraham let it be known in no uncertain terms that he recognized that the matter of obtaining a wife was ultimately in the hands of a sovereign God -- so much so that if the servant was successful, it would be because the Lord had sent His angel before his servant and with his servant. Although Abraham and his servant were active, the matter ultimately was the Lord's. Abraham recognized this, and to some degree manifested His submission to the Lord's will by stating that his servant was free from his sworn obligation if the Lord did not act in his behalf and the woman was not willing to come back with him to Canaan.

Not surprisingly, we also find evidence that Abraham's servant recognized and submitted to the sovereignty of God in the matter. When he came to the well in Mesopotamia, the first thing he did was pray to the Lord for His assistance and guidance. Gen:12-14;12 And he said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.13 Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:14 And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.

Gen 24: 42-44. 12 And he said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham. 13 Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:14 And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.

The servant here asked the Lord to make his mission successful, because he knew that success ultimately lay with the Lord. He knew that the Lord was ultimately in control of such matters. Furthermore, his words indicate that he believed that it was the Lord who had appointed or decided the woman who was to be Isaac's wife, and that He alone could make clear who that woman was. By his petition the servant made it obvious that he was submissive to the will of God in the matter -- that he wanted to bring back the woman that God had selected for Isaac, and that he needed the Lord's help in determining who that woman was.

Both Abraham and his servant realized that the Lord was the one who gives a husband or wife to a single person, and they were submissive before that great reality. Their example is a call to singles and their parents to respond in similar fashion.

Dear single, have you come to grips with the reality that it is the Lord who is ultimately in control of whether or not you are ever married? -- that He must act if any other person of the opposite sex, especially someone desirable and godly, will ever agree to commit themselves to you in the bonds of marriage? -- that in the language of Prov. 19:14b ". . . a prudent wife is from the Lord"? Have you come to the point of submitting to His sovereign will in that matter? Or are you still acting as if the matter is totally in your hands, and going on willfully pursuing your own designs. This is no little issue. This is a real battle-ground for many singles whether young or old. But this battle must be fought and biblically won, or trouble lies ahead in the realm of romantic love and marriage.

Furthermore, if it is the Lord's will for you to be married, have you come to grips with the fact that it is the God of heaven and of earth who has determined who your wife or husband will be? That in the sense of the sovereign actings of God's decretive will marriages are made in heaven? Have you manifested your submission to and delight in that reality by crying to Jehovah like Abraham's servant to direct you to the one He has appointed for you?

Parents of singles, have you likewise come to grips with the sovereignty of God regarding whether or not your children are ever married, and regarding who their future spouse might be? Is it evident in your prayers for your children that you have embraced this reality and submitted to the will of God for your children? Do you regularly pray that God would give them godly husbands or wives, and that He would lead them in the right path in this area. In a real sense, from the time our children are born, and even before, our embrace of the sovereignty of God in this area should be evident in our prayers for our children. For next to their salvation, what area is more important for their future usefulness and happiness?

However, someone may be wrestling with the fact of God's sovereignty in the area of romance and marriage. They may point out that the mere fact of God's sovereignty in and of itself is not necessarily a strong encouragement to submit to it. In light of this fact, it is vital that we come to have a further godly attitude displayed in our text:

B. A well-founded confidence in God's love, mercy, and good-will toward you in the matter of your singleness and marriage. Abraham certainly manifested such a confidence in the kindness of God toward him in the provision of a wife for Isaac. He did not merely acknowledge that the Lord could provide a wife for his son if He wanted to. In vv. 7 and 40 we find Him declaring to his servant, "The LORD, the God of heaven . . . will send His angel before you, and you will take a wife for my son from there." "The LORD . . . will send His angel with you to make your journey successful . . ."

Abraham's servant likewise looked expectantly to the God of his master to act in love and kindness. This is manifested in his prayer at the well in v. 12 where he petitioned: "O LORD, the God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today, and show lovingkindness to my master Abraham." He would not have so prayed if he had not had some reason to expect that God would hear and answer it.

What was the basis for this confidence in the kindness and love and goodwill of God in the matter of marriage for Isaac? Was Abraham guilty of blind faith and groundless presumption in his confidence that the Lord would bless him in this way? Not at all. In this chapter there are at least three indications that this confidence was indeed well-founded:

1. There was first the objective certainty of the promises of God made to Abraham. Now there may have been a direct revelation by God to Abraham regarding this particular mission by his servant. However, we are not told that explicitly, and we are explicitly provided other basis in our text for his confidence. v. 7. 7 The LORD God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence. Abraham, in the same sentence in which he spoke so confidently of the success of his servant, also spoke of God's covenant, oath-sworn promise, "To your descendants I will give this land". Earlier the Lord had also clearly indicated that the descendants who would receive the covenant promises would be the offspring of Isaac. So Abraham rightly reasoned that God's promise meant that the Lord was committed to providing Isaac with a suitable wife who feared Jehovah. And thus he was confident that the need would be provided as they used the means at hand. I.E., Abraham believed what God said as being certainly true. And he was not disappointed.

However, there was another, closely-related basis for his confidence as well:

2. There was the reality that he had met the conditions of the promises of God to him. The covenant promises of the land and of a numerous offspring had been conditional promises. They originally were to be received only if Abraham obeyed the Lord in leaving his old homeland to live in a land previously unknown to him (Gen. 12:1-4). He had obeyed in this matter. The Lord had commanded Abraham to be circumcised along with every other male member of his household as a sign of the covenant, and declared that one who failed to obey in this matter should be cut off from his people as a covenant-breaker (Gen. 17:13) Abraham had obeyed. The Lord had commanded Abraham to sacrifice the son of the covenant promise, Isaac, as a test of his loyalty to Jehovah. Once again Abraham had obeyed until the Lord intervened and stopped him. And the LORD had declared in response:

"By Myself I have sworn, . . . because you have done this thing, and have not withheld your son, your only son, indeed I will greatly bless you, and I will greatly multiply your seed as the stars of the heavens, and as the sand which is on the seashore; and your seed shall possess the gate of their enemies. And in your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed, because you have obeyed My voice." (Gen. 22:16-18)

Even in the present mission, Abraham was using great care to obtain a godly wife for Isaac, instead of one from the cursed, wicked Canaanites, and to keep his son from leaving the promised land to go back to the old homeland. Covenant faithfulness and obedience was characterizing this very mission to get a wife for Isaac.

Therefore, Abraham was able to confidently utter the words recited by the servant to Laban in v. 40 And he said unto me, The LORD, before whom I walk, will send his angel with thee, and prosper thy way; and thou shalt take a wife for my son of my kindred, and of my father's house:. It was the fact that Abraham had walked a life of covenant obedience before the Lord, and was continuing to do so, that made him so confident that the Lord would fulfill His covenant promises. The conditions of those promises had, by the grace of God, been met. Abraham had lived a life of covenant loyalty and obedience to God (although his life certainly had not been sinless).

But there was a third solid basis for Abraham's confidence of God's love in this matter, built upon the first two:

3. The blessings of God's covenant promises had already begun to be received and enjoyed in abundant measure. This reality was underscored in no uncertain terms in the first words of Genesis chapter 24. Read 24:1. 1 ¶ And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things.

In every area of life the Lord had already showered Abraham with His abundant blessings. There was material wealth, long life, but especially there was the son of the promise himself, Isaac, born miraculously of an old woman, and given back anew to Abraham after the incident on Mount Moriah. The fact of God's kindness to Abraham and faithfulness to His promises before the event of Genesis 24 is further implied by the prayer of thanksgiving uttered by the servant after Rebekah was identified as being from the wider family of Abraham. He prayed in v. 27:

"Blessed be the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken His lovingkindness and His truth toward my master . . ."

Much lovingkindness and truth had already been shown to Abraham, and it had not ended.

Thus, Abraham had every reason to be confident that the Lord would provide a wife for his son: because of God's own promises, because the condition of the promises had been met, and because he had already in his personal experience received amazing fulfillments of those promises.

How does all of this apply to singles and their parents? First of all, we must acknowledge that no single today has the promise of an abundant offspring which Isaac possessed. Therefore, no single has the same basis for certainty that they will be married and have children which Isaac and his father had. However, there are important declarations and promises of God which do apply to the individual who is single today.

As we saw in the first message on our text, at the creation of the world the Lord Himself declared that it was not good for the man to be alone, and a wife was provided to be a suitable companion as the Lord instituted marriage on the earth. Although there are now exceptions in a sin-cursed world, is it not holy reasoning to draw from this declaration that it is indeed God's purpose that most men and women should ultimately be married since their single state is not good, and the Lord has instituted marriage to relieve this deficiency?

But furthermore, the Lord has given several general promises which apply to singles:

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield;

The LORD gives grace and glory;

No good thing does He withhold from those who walk

uprightly.

O LORD of hosts,

How blessed is the man who trusts in Thee!"

(Ps. 84:11-12)

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

(Rom. 8:28)

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?"

(Rom. 8:31-32)

"And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

(Phil. 4:19)

Dear single, and dear parent of single young people, if it is not generally good for a man or woman to be alone, and if the Lord will not withhold any good thing from the one who walks uprightly, is there not much encouragement for you regarding marriage in this verse. Is not the promise that God causes all things to work together for good for you, that He who delivered up His Son for you will freely give you all things and supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus a great encouragement to you that He will see to it that you receive the good gift of marriage. And that if He for some reason withholds it from you for awhile or for a lifetime, it is only because for some reason it is not good for you? Sweeping indeed, wide indeed, rich and overflowing indeed are the precious promises of God which apply to you in the area of romance and marriage -- no matter how hopeless it might appear right now that you would ever find a godly spouse. (It must have looked pretty hopeless for Isaac during those many years of singleness surrounded only by godless Canaanite girls.) Draw much encouragement and comfort from the love and good will of God displayed to you in these precious promises.

However, it must also be noted that these promises are conditional ones. They only apply to a certain group of people, and exclude others. It is only those who walk uprightly, who truly trust in the Lord, who love God and have been effectually called by Him, who have tasted of the blessings of the cross work of Jesus Christ by being justified by faith in Christ alone, and who have manifest generous hearts in giving of their possessions to the Lord (the context of Phil. 4:19) who have any basis to apply these promises to themselves.

In other words, if you are not a true believer in Christ -- a Christian -- who manifests the life-changing work of God's Spirit in your life, then you cannot draw any encouragement from these verse regarding your romantic life and marriage. Although there are exceptions by God's common grace, marriage for you outside of Christ likely will be more like a living hell than a blessing and you have a 50-50 chance that it will end in divorce. Here is a further reason why you need Christ. Do you really want to wander into this realm without these promises and the Lord dear young person. You who are already torn up by sin and wickedness and hateful behavior in this area, do you really want more of the same?

Furthermore, if you as a professing Christian, perhaps as a member of this church, in the area of romantic love, cast off a godly, upright walk and in desperation and frustration plunge yourself into the worldly methods of obtaining romantic love -- do you have any basis to believe that these promises to the one who walk uprightly will ever apply to you? Don't be a fool.

But there is a further source of encouragement for the serious Christian single and his or her parents in this area of romantic love regarding God's loving disposition toward you and your loved ones. Paul picks up on this in his argument in Rom. 8:32 where he says:

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?

Dear child of God, how much have you known already of the mercies and kindnesses and goodness and love of God in faithful fulfillment of His covenant promises? God has died for you -- born the Father's wrath for you -- given His only son for you -- forgiven you, dressed you in the righteousness of Christ, adopted you into His family, met your daily, most basic needs, given you peace and joy and love and a host of other graces in your heart -- won't He take care of the aching gap in your life which longs for a godly husband or wife? Which longs for someone who cares for you and needs you?

We have seen the first two proper perspectives toward the living God in the proper seeking of a spouse:

A. A recognition of, and submission to, the sovereignty of God in the matter of singleness and marriage, and:

B. A well-founded confidence in God's love, mercy, and good-will toward you and your single child in the matter of singleness and marriage.

It has already been alluded to, but where these two godly dispositions of soul are present to some degree, a third proper perspective and heart attitude will be the natural result. There will be:

C. Ultimate dependence upon the Lord for guidance and provision in every detail of the matter. In the words of Abraham to his servant when that servant raised the possibility of failure in his mission, we see how that this godly Old Testament saint had placed his ultimate dependence upon His sovereign God who loved him and his son. He relied upon the Lord to go before the servant and bless his efforts.

And an ultimate dependence upon the Lord was certainly evident in the servant's prayer at the well when he arrived at the city. Gen. 24:11-14.11 And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.12 And he said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.13 Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:14 And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.

This servant evidently faced two problems as he stood before the well of the city where Abraham's relatives lived. First of all, he did not know where these relatives lived, and how to get in touch with them. At this point, someone might say, "Why didn't he just ask some of the women at the well about the relatives, or ask for them by going to the city gates and speaking with the men there?" We do not know all the circumstances, but it does appear from the servant's prayer request that there was a second concern on his mind as well. Evidently it was not sufficient that a wife for Isaac merely come from Abraham's relatives. The servant was also concerned with the character of the woman who should become Isaac's wife. And here was his problem. How could he get a read-out on the character of such a lady before she knew of his mission and was perhaps putting on a show which did not truly reveal her character?

Because of this two-fold problem -- locating a woman from among the relatives of Abraham, and determining her genuine character before revealing his mission -- the servant here made an unusual and very specific prayer request of the Lord. He asked the Lord to in His providence work it so that the right woman would be the one who not only gave the servant a drink when he requested it, but also watered all ten of his camels as well, thereby manifesting a charitable servant's spirit and a hard-working work ethic.

Now we might question the making of such a specific prayer, and also might be concerned with whether we should imitate such askings "for a sign" in prayer. I do not have time to go into this issue in detail here, but would briefly point out to you the following facts:

-- there were specific covenant promises to Abraham and Isaac which warranted looking to the Lord for definite answers to prayer in this matter. He was looking for divine Providences to confirm the Word already spoken to Abraham.

-- the servant was praying as one specially appointed to carry out the task which formed the focus of his prayer request. So he was one acting within his vocation, and not as one trying to take on something to which the Lord had never called him.

-- there were special, unique circumstances here which called for a more definite request in prayer -- circumstances which would not normally exist in the area of courtship and marriage.

-- the request made reflected godly wisdom and sanctified common sense regulated by the general principles of God's Word, for he was seeking to find a woman of godly character as wife for Isaac.

-- even the answer to this specific request for guidance by "a sign" from God was still regulated by the revealed Word of God. Gen 24:15-21. 15 And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.

16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.17 And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher.18 And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.19 And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.20 And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.21 And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not.

Even though the Lord's answer came with amazing speed, the servant refused to suspend what he already knew regarding the revealed will of God, but rather waited to interpret God's providence in light of God's revealed Word, and drew no conclusions until it was clear that the "sign" agreed with God's revealed Word. As Leupold says, "True faith uses caution to avoid the possibility of self-deception." (p. 669)

So the servant here truly walked in dependence upon the Lord, which means that all that he did and asked was subject to the revealed will of God.

Singles and their parents are likewise called to so walk in dependence upon the Lord in the matter of courtship and marriage -- always being subject to the revealed will of God. Such dependence will be manifested in earnest prayer by parent and single alike.

Again let me refer to the example of my Great-Grandfather and Great-Grandmother Heim who had become interested in one another while he was visiting family and friends in Pennsylvania from his far-away home in Nebraska. On the night he was to leave, with the future of their relationship very uncertain given the distance between them, they together committed themselves and their relationship to God and His providence in the kitchen of her parents farmhouse.

Now we are ready to consider two further godly perspectives or attitudes toward the Lord in seeking a wife or husband. The first is:

D. Openly-expressed thankfulness and gratitude to God throughout the entire process of seeking a spouse.

1. First of all notice this grateful perspective regarding mercies already received, especially when God had given encouragements in the process of seeking a spouse, before the ultimate outcome was known. Gen 24:22-28.22 And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;23 And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father's house for us to lodge in?24 And she said unto him, I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, which she bare unto Nahor.25 She said moreover unto him, We have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in.26 And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the LORD.27 And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of my master Abraham, who hath not justify destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the LORD led me to the house of my master's brethren.28 And the damsel ran, and told them of her mother's house these things.

Try to imagine the scene from Rebekah's perspective. She had just finished bustling about satisfying the thirst of the ten camels of this stranger. Then he had given her an amazing gift of three pieces of solid gold jewelry and begun asking questions. When she answered them in a straightforward manner, the next thing she knew this man was bowed down before her praising and worshipping the living God. How strange his behavior must have seemed. But Abraham's servant did not care how strange and odd he might appear. The Lord had answered his prayer in a striking way in guiding him to Abraham's relatives and to a woman of genuine character. And even though the final outcome was still uncertain, he was determined to give the Lord the praise and honor due to Him for the mercy and encouragement already received.

Notice, there was nothing here of a sour and cynical and bitter, unbelieving spirit which can only focus upon the dark experiences of one's life. There was nothing of a suspicious thinking hard thoughts of the living God which even seeks to turn the blessings of God into curses -- which reasons that the present kindness and encouragement from the Lord is just His setting me up for heartache and disappointment in the future when this romantic relationship falls through -- which says that the signs that the Lord is about to give me the good gift of a godly wife or husband are too good to be true and surely will not last, just like the last time -- which says that I can't let my emotions respond too strongly for after all it may not work out.

Rather, this servant evidently customarily lived each day with a thankful and grateful heart, quick to recognize and to respond with peals of praise to God for His mercies. And he did so because he believed that the Lord was in control and that the Lord truly loved him and his master. Nor did he forget to be thankful once the Lord had ultimately provided a wife for Isaac which brings us to:

2. His profound gratitude for the willingness of Rebekah's family to give her to Isaac.

Gen: 24:50 Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.51 Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's wife, as the LORD hath spoken.52 And it came to pass, that, when Abraham's servant heard their words, he worshipped the LORD, bowing himself to the earth.

Again, imagine the scene. Laban and Bethuel had just granted Rebekah in marriage. And then they witness this servant bowed down with his head to the ground having a glory fit -- worshipping and praising before the Lord. This servant was not one of those foxhole Christians who respond the right way externally toward God until they get what they want and then promptly forget Him. No, this servant loved the Lord, and was quick to acknowledge His mercies as soon as they were received -- especially in the matter of obtaining a spouse.

This example of the amazingly expressive thankfulness of Abraham's servant throughout the process of obtaining a wife for Isaac calls to every single and his or her parents to do likewise. And it calls for every human being to do likewise in every area of life. (Cite example from recent funeral of a 35 year old Christian woman who died of complications related to cancer leaving behind 4 young children and a husband. They were praising God for His mercies and seeking to glorify His name.)

But now we come to a final godly perspective or disposition toward the God of Abraham, of Isaac and of Jacob found in our text. That is the attitude of:

E. Receptivity to God's good gift when He is obviously giving it -- even if there are difficult aspects to the marriage decision. Here in a real sense we come back to the matter of submitting to the sovereignty of God with which we began. Notice this receptivity in the case of both individuals whom the Lord was bringing together in marriage in Genesis 24. First, there was:

1. Rebekah. Gen 24:54-59. 54 ¶ And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.55 And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.56 And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the LORD hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.57 And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth.58 And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.59 And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham's servant, and his men.

Rebekah had to almost on the spur of the moment leave family and homeland for a far country to marry a man she had never met, knowing that she very likely would never return to look upon the faces of her loved ones again. Yet she was willing to go, and right away -- an amazing example of principled decision (and probably of faith in Jehovah as well). When the Lord made it evident that he was working to give her a godly husband, there was no unnecessary delay or hesitation or cold feet. Listen to Leupold:

"She . . . answers with a simple, resolute: `I will go.' Courage, decision, and faith are reflected in her attitude. She is a wife who will amply supplement whatever deficiencies in the line of aggressiveness and activity her husband may have." (p. 682)

But we also have here the example of:

2. Isaac. Gen 24:63 And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.64 And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.65 For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.66 And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done.67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.

. Isaac had never before met the young lady who now suddenly came into his life. Yet he readily received her when the Lord made it evident that He was at work in providing the needed wife. There is every indication that the marriage proceeded posthaste. He did not delay in second-guessing the Lord.

Now I realize that this perspective can be, and often has been abused by singles who get into too big a hurry to get married, and run ahead of God and even common sense. We must remember that all that was done to obtain a wife for Isaac here was done carefully in accordance with the commands of God and with sanctified common sense as much as possible in the unique circumstances confronting Abraham and Isaac. And remember that the parents on both sides were intimately involved. Keeping those realities before us, when the Lord made it abundantly evident that Isaac and Rebekah should be married to each other, the good gift was immediately received with open arms. In this there is a word for at least two groups of people:

1. Singles who for whatever reason might wrongly get cold feet and start backing away from relationships when the Lord begins to give encouragements in them.

2. Those who are refusing to receive a much greater gift offered to them by God than a good husband or wife -- salvation in Jesus Christ. What folly it would have been for Isaac or Rebekah to refuse God's gift to them of a spouse. How much greater folly is it to reject God's free grace offered in His Son.

Thus far we have been considering proper, godly perspectives toward the living God in the matter of dealing with one's singleness and seeking a husband or wife. Before pressing on to notice a further godly perspective in our text directed toward men on earth, I want to pause to commend many of the singles here -- especially many of those older singles who are members of this church. (Although I intended to do this anyway, one of the singles helped encourage me in this direction last Lord's Day! It seemed to her that in my preaching I was assuming that they were not responding aright.) Repeatedly I have gone away from oversight meetings and others visits with you greatly encouraged at the godly perspectives regarding your singleness and desires for marriage which the grace of God has caused to grow and develop in your hearts. Some of you have greatly out-stripped my own responses during a large portion of my single years. This does not mean that you do not struggle with your singleness. But by the grace of the Lord Jesus you have been enabled to a large degree to embrace and submit to the sovereignty of God, to lay hold of His love for you, to trust Him for His provision while you wait for His gift of a godly husband or wife, to openly thank and praise Him for His mercies and encouragements in the meantime, and to maintain a receptive heart toward whatever He may give you. We commend you, and urge you to continue to grow and abound in these perspectives, for in this way you will live a much happier and more productive life for the Lord as long as His good purposes cause you to remain single, and also will in most cases come to know the blessings of a Christ-honoring marriage to a godly spouse.

But now notice with me a final godly perspective which we witness in Genesis 24 -- one toward men on earth. We see:

F. An appropriate recognition of, respect for, and submission to the wills of both singles and of their parents in the matter.

GEN 24: 4 But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.5 And the servant said unto him, Peradventure the woman will not be willing to follow me unto this land: must I needs bring thy son again unto the land from whence thou camest?6 And Abraham said unto him, Beware thou that thou bring not my son thither again.7 The LORD God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence.8 And if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath: only bring not my son thither again.

Abraham and his servant both recognized and grappled with a simple reality. Isaac would not have a wife unless a woman from Abraham's family was willing to travel a long distance to a strange land and become Isaac's wife. There was a recognition of, and submission to this reality. There were two parties, a man and a woman, in this potential union, and both had to voluntarily consent in order for it to be legitimately entered.

But furthermore, there was the recognition of, respect for, and submission to the wills of an additional party as well -- those of the parents, especially of the father, (and here of the brother). Gen 24:40 And he said unto me, The LORD, before whom I walk, will send his angel with thee, and prosper thy way; and thou shalt take a wife for my son of my kindred, and of my father's house:41 Then shalt thou be clear from this my oath, when thou comest to my kindred; and if they give not thee one, thou shalt be clear from my oath.

Nor were these just words. Gen 24:49 And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the justify.

50 Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.51 Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's wife, as the LORD hath spoken.; 54 ¶ And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.55 And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.56 And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the LORD hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.57 And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth.58 And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.59 And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham's servant, and his men.

. Rebekah did not leave to become the wife of Isaac until her father and brother, and she herself were all willing for that to take place. And notice, not only Abraham's servant, but also Rebekah's own family were careful to respect Rebekah's wishes here. They did not just charge off without taking into account her will in the matter. (In fact, they had probably earlier received feedback from her before the initial commitment was made by Bethuel and Laban).

But there is another side to this matter of the wills of the parties involved as well. This marriage was clearly a reflection of the willingness of Daddy Abraham since he had made the arrangements for it in the first place. And when all was said and done, Isaac's will in the matter was also consulted. Although no details are provided, Abraham surely had consulted with his forty-year old son before sending off his servant to obtain a wife for him. However, the data is more specific regarding what happened when Rebekah arrived. GEN 24:67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.

This verse does not say that Father Abraham presented Rebekah to Isaac with a command to marry her. Rather, for the first time we find Isaac to be the initiator and active one as he willingly took Rebekah and married her.

At every step, there was an appropriate recognition of, respect for and submission to the rights and wills of both singles and their parents. There are several applications for both singles and their parents which flow from this in the seeking of a wife or husband. Let's consider both in turn, first:

1. The single. Notice three lines of application at this point:

a. There should be a recognition of, respect for, and quiet submission to the will of the other single with whom marriage is desired. This may seem so straightforward to you that you wonder why I bother to state it. But unfortunately it is not always so easy to do practically, as proven by both personal and pastoral experience. When the desired young man expresses his desire to end the relationship, or ceases to pursue it; or the desired young lady says "No", or is not ready to definitely say "Yes, I'll marry you", the disappointed single whose hope is being deferred and who is becoming romantically-attached to that person may struggle greatly with recognition of, respect for, and quiet submission to the will of the other.

Sometimes, there may be a carnal berating or manipulating or pressing of the other person in an attempt to force their will to change and to agree with your own. Usually such an immature and disrespectful response will be the certain end of the relationship -- especially if the other individual is wise and principled at all.

Sometimes the rejected single will not dare be so overt in trying to change the will of the other, but instead will simply refuse to embrace that other person's will in his or her heart. There is the foolish clinging to the relationship, keeping pictures and other mementos of the person and hoping that somehow things will change. There are the wasted hours spent brooding over the disappointment, sorting through every detail of past interactions looking for clues of what went wrong, and why the person did not want me -- what-iffing the entire relationship to death, and perhaps trying to figure out how to recover it after the fact. There is at times a straining to find fault with how the other person dealt with you in an attempt to somehow mitigate the sting of rejection, and lay blame on them.

Whatever the carnal response may be, it ultimately is a refusal to respect and submit to the will of the other person who must say "Yes" if a courtship may righteously move forward and if a marriage may be properly consummated. If that other person says "No", then that should be the end of the matter, if you would righteously respect and submit to their will in the matter, no matter how painful it may be. For it is their right to say "No". The sooner a single person gets that reality through his or her head, and submits to it, the better for all involved. For to fight against the will of another person of the opposite sex regarding a romantic relationship is to ultimately fight against the will of the living God who must make the other person willing if you will ever be married. And you will always be the loser when you fight against God.

But there is a second application here for singles:

b. In the matter of marriage, a single must be sure that he or she is truly willing from the heart to enter that lifetime union for good reasons before he or she does so. Young ladies, you should not merely out of a false charity give in when a self-pitying young man like Ahab comes and pouts and blubbers all over you because you won't agree to begin or continue a relationship. His immature and self-centered behavior is a further reason to say "No", for he certainly is not prepared for the self-denial required in marriage. The same goes for you young men when a young lady tries to emotionally manipulate you into further pursuing a relationship with her or marrying her, perhaps pleading how needy she is because of the problems in her home or background.

You should only pursue a courting relationship, and should only agree to marry when you yourself are whole-heartedly willing to do so for good and principled reasons, not because you feel sorry for someone else, or are simply looking for a way out of a difficult living situation at home, or are desperate to be married.

c. Singles should properly recognize, respect, and submit to the wills of both sets of parents involved before pursuing marriage. Except for very unusual circumstances (like an unconverted parent refusing to allow his Christian child to marry another Christian), a single should not move ahead with marriage until both sets of parents, and especially the parents of the young lady involved, have given their permission and blessing. There is a strong foundation for this application in the example of Bethuel and Laban in our text, and in the rest of the Bible as well.

Furthermore, although they themselves ultimately must be willing to proceed with a marriage, and although the law of God is the ultimate authority, singles generally should be responsive toward, cooperative with, and submissive to the positive efforts of their concerned parents to help them find a wife or husband. This is especially true when those parents are godly and therefore are acting out of biblical, principled love for their child, as was obviously the case with Abraham toward Isaac. When Rebekah was delivered on Isaac's doorstep, as it were, through the strenuous efforts of Father Abraham, Isaac did not despise his father's efforts, nor rear back and rebel and start talking about doing his own thing and getting his own woman. He gladly cooperated with the kind and sensitive and principled efforts of his father, and was the winner in the end. So will be immature young people who cooperate with and submit to the loving efforts of their older and more experienced parents to help them pursue marriage, including listening to and taking to heart their wise counsel, instead of sloughing it off and doing their own thing. It will not be easy to rightly respond in this area given the present climate in our society, but it is vital that we do so for the good of our own souls and of our children who result from our marriages.

But there are also lessons here for:

2. The parents.

a. First of all, they should sensitively seek to determine the will of their single child, and to respect and submit to it in the matter of courtship and marriage, no matter how strongly they may believe that they know better than their young person what that child should do. This does not mean that they should not be assertive in this area of their child's life. We have already sought to establish that responsibility of parents. Rather, it means that when it comes to the bottom line, a parent has no right to force their single child to marry a particular individual contrary to their own desires and will. Nothing in God's Word including Gen. 24 permits arranging the marriages of one's children irrespective of their own desires and wishes. To go down this road would be to overreact to the negating of the role of parents in our day.

b. Secondly, parents should be careful to honor the wishes of the other single person and in most cases of his or her parents in the matter of courtship and marriage to their own child. They must keep before them the biblical principles we have considered, and not in any way undermine the rights of the other parties involved.

We have now come to an end of the proper perspectives or attitudes which parents and singles should have toward God and others while seeking a spouse. Let's proceed to take up the proper:

V. PROCEDURES to be followed in pursuing a spouse. Thus far we have focused a great deal upon learning to submit to God's sovereign will and trusting Him for the provision of a wife or husband. However, such attitudes displayed in Genesis 24 did not mean that Abraham and his household passively stood by twiddling their thumbs waiting for the Lord to drop a Rebekah from the heavens. Genesis 24 is a chapter filled with action. And it thereby teaches us that there should be a principled, and where necessary, aggressive, use of means in pursuing a wife or husband. Notice with me some of the procedures or practices to which this chapter points us. First of all:

A. There should be openness to taking seemingly extreme measures to obtain a wife or husband, if the providence of God and one's readiness and sense of need for marriage constrains it, as long as it is done in a godly and principled way with the proper heart attitudes. A number of years had passed during which the matter of a wife for Isaac had evidently not been such a pressing concern, which is a caution against finding a basis for sinfully hasty actions from Genesis 24. But now as a still-grieving Isaac reached 40 years of age, apparently the seeking of a spouse had moved up in priority to a matter of great earnestness and urgency requiring timely and immediate action. Furthermore, the very fact that Abraham (and apparently Isaac) were committed to seeking a wife for Isaac in a godly way, combined with their present circumstances, ultimately dictated that more strenuous exertions be made to that end -- even though it meant a long trip to a far-away land to obtain a woman whom they had never met. Seemingly extreme measures may be called for, which brings us to a second, closely-related practice illustrated for us:

B. One should look for a spouse in a place where eligible candidates for marriage are to be found. Abraham found his son surrounded only by godless Canaanites, and therefore sent his most trusted servant off to a distant place where there might be found a woman who at least to some degree feared the true and living God. And when the servant came to the city where the relatives of Abraham lived, where did he place himself? At the place where he knew the eligible young ladies would come to draw water. Singles should follow this example.

They of course should first look in the places closest to where they presently live, since there are certainly many benefits from living near both pairs of parents and other members of the more-extended family. Also, it is usually much easier to pursue a marriage partner when the other person lives nearby. And generally the situation around one's home is not nearly as barren as that faced by Isaac. Young singles should be careful to not succumb to the all too common failure of perceiving the grass on the other side of the fence to be greener than it is in the pasture where you are presently located. Often young men and young women through familiarity can end up ignoring precious treasures in their own back yard in this way.

However, there are times when the Lord in His providence places roadblocks in the way of finding a wife nearby. On such occasions, especially for the single person who is getting older, there is every warrant in our text to be willing to look much further afield, even if that looking ultimately results in a marriage requiring one individual to move far from where she (or he) presently resides. Such wide-ranging looking may be called for, even though it may seem somewhat crazy to the single or his parents. (This was my experience in finding a wife in California while I lived in Michigan. Others in Michigan have ended up finding godly wives in other countries like the Dominican Republic.) Going to singles conferences and family conferences, attending a Christian colleges or a college near a sister church in which there are a number of college students, visiting sister churches, allowing godly parents and other mature saints to help you through holy match-making with individuals they know, are all ways this may be put into practice.

C. There should be honest, open dealings between the parties involved in pursuing marriage. We see this in the way in which Abraham's servant dealt with Rebekah and her family. There was no playing of games, but rather a frank, open, up-front stating of his intentions and goals to those who had a right to know. So should a single deal with a potential spouse and her or his parents in seeking a wife or husband.

D. There should be great care to maintain sexual purity during the days before marriage including the period when it is being pursued. As far as we can tell, Isaac had kept himself pure during the years of waiting. We are explicitly told that Rebekah was a virgin.

Furthermore, when her family was about to send her off with a group of men whom they had never met before, they ensured that there would be a traveling situation which would raise no questions and which would not leave Rebekah vulnerable. They sent other women with her -- her nurse and maids -- as a shield to her purity. And when Rebekah was about to meet Isaac for the first time, she covered herself with her veil, evidently at least in part a sign of modesty.

Likewise, this concern of maintaining sexual purity should be a front-burner concern of singles and parents alike both before and during the process of seeking a husband or wife. For there are real dangers at this point to which experience and the struggles of our own hearts testify.

E. There should be a continuing cultivation and maintenance of the most important of relationships even while a life-partner is being pursued -- your relationship with God. Gen. 24:62 ¶ And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country.63 And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.

There is some uncertainty regarding the word translated "meditate" here, but there is good basis to conclude that Isaac was indeed meditating or speaking to himself as he strolled in the field in the evening. And since he was a godly man, there is every reason to conclude that his meditations -- whether upon the loss of his mother, or the mission of his father's servant to get him a wife -- would have ultimately turned his heart and thoughts to the Lord -- especially in prayer. In other words, Isaac was probably having his devotions, perhaps pouring his heart out to the Lord over his aching and long prolonged singleness, even as the Lord brought his Rebekah to him. It was as he kept up communion with his God that the good gift was given -- literally!. I believe this is too striking a coincidence to dismiss lightly. There are applications here to all young people -- whether Christian or not.

F. There should be care to establish the presence of several important qualities in the person being contemplated as husband or wife. We are not given here a complete list of qualities which should normally be considered. And because of the unique circumstances of this courtship, Isaac and Rebekah and their families had very limited opportunities to get acquainted with the person actually being contemplated as a spouse. But there were some qualities which here were established, and which thus must have been fairly high priorities in the matter of seeking a husband or wife. Notice with me a general quality which was established regarding both Isaac and Rebekah in our text, and then a unique, specific quality which was established regarding each one individually. First, notice that there was the establishing of:

1. The general family background of the person contemplated. We have already noted that Abraham was very specific in instructing his servant to take a wife from among his relatives in his old homeland. Although it had been a long time since he had justify his homeland, we do find an indication that he had received more recent information from Mesopotamia regarding his relatives which may have encouraged him regarding at least some remnants of the fear of God among them. Gen. 22:20 ¶ And it came to pass after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, Behold, Milcah, she hath also born children unto thy brother Nahor;21 Huz his firstborn, and Buz his brother, and Kemuel the father of Aram, 22 And Chesed, and Hazo, and Pildash, and Jidlaph, and Bethuel.

Abraham's servant followed his orders very carefully in ensuring that the young lady contemplated indeed came from Abraham's family.

On the other hand, the servant was quite specific in identifying himself as Abraham's servant, and in specifying that he was seeking a wife for the son of Abraham, so that Rebekah's family might clearly know the family from which this proposal was coming. Abraham was a known commodity to this family even though they did not know Isaac. They had surely been aware of his belief in the promises of God and his life of obedience to God's law which had caused him to leave them for Canaan in the first place. Now the responses of the servant in bowing low and worshipping the God of his master Abraham would have confirmed that Abraham and his household continued to follow the Lord.

Why was there such concern regarding the families from which these singles came? Because there was limited opportunity to learn the character of the singles involved, and because the character of the family from which a single comes generally is a strong indication of the character of the single as well.

Now we all know examples of those whom the Lord has gloriously saved out of horrible families and made godly trophies of His grace. Some of us are those examples. On the other hand, we are painfully aware of examples of those who have come from solid Christian homes who have wandered far away from the Lord, although it is fairly rare that such individuals plunge themselves into more openly wicked lives. So we dare not make absolute rules at this point.

But generally, there is a close relationship between the character of the single, and that of the family from which he or she came. For after all, the earliest, most formative years were spent in that home where the patterns being observed and imitated were either good or bad, righteous or evil. Therefore, a single and his or her parents should not only seek to get to know well the potential spouse in order to determine his or her character, they should also seek as much as possible to get to know their family as part of determining the character of the single in view (and also because they will generally continue to have much contact with that family following marriage).

But now, having noted a general quality which is usually important in seeking a spouse, we come to a specific trait which was unique to Isaac, and which should be important in any young man considered as a potential husband:

2. His ability to provide for his wife and family. Notice how this was repeatedly underscored in the account of Genesis 24. 10 ¶ And the servant took ten camels of the camels of his master, and departed; for all the goods of his master were in his hand: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor., 21 And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not.22 And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;29 ¶ And Rebekah had a brother, and his name was Laban: and Laban ran out unto the man, unto the well. 30 And it came to pass, when he saw the earring and bracelets upon his sister's hands, and when he heard the words of Rebekah his sister, saying, Thus spake the man unto me; that he came unto the man; and, behold, he stood by the camels at the well. 31 And he said, Come in, thou blessed of the LORD; wherefore standest thou without? for I have prepared the house, and room for the camels. 34 And he said, I am Abraham's servant. 35 And the LORD hath blessed my master greatly; and he is become great: and he hath given him flocks, and herds, and silver, and gold, and menservants, and maidservants, and camels, and asses. 36 And Sarah my master's wife bare a son to my master when she was old: and unto him hath he given all that he hath. 47 And I asked her, and said, Whose daughter art thou? And she said, The daughter of Bethuel, Nahor's son, whom Milcah bare unto him: and I put the earring upon her face, and the bracelets upon her hands.

Evidently the issue of Isaac's ability to provide for his new bride was assumed to be of great importance. For the servant took along much evidence of Abraham's wealth even though there was probably a danger of robbery along the way, he gave generous gifts to Rebekah and later to her family, and underscored the fact that all of Abraham's wealth was to be given to Isaac. What does this teach us?

That a young man and his parents should likewise be very concerned to make provision for the support of a wife before he takes on that responsibility. Since very few of us will receive wealth by inheritance like Isaac did, and since for most of us any inheritance received will probably not come until we are far down the road of providing for a wife and children, this means that there had better be the cultivating of the necessary skills and work opportunities to be able to provide by the sweat of one's brow. Parents especially need to be concerned that their sons are equipped for this responsibility. They should plan ahead for this and do all they can to further the training and work opportunities of their sons. And young men need to be especially diligent in buying up opportunities to prepare for this responsibility while they are young, and to not squander those opportunities through foolishness.

This also means that a young lady and her parents should make it a priority that a young man prove his present ability (or soon to be fully-acquired ability in the case of a student) to provide for a wife and family before they agree to marriage.

But there is also a cluster of qualities which are identified in our text as being quite important in a young lady as well:

3. A hard-working, respectful, charitable servant's spirit. Gen. 24:15 And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder. 16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up. 17 And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher. 18 And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink. 19 And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking. 20 And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels. 21 And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not. 22 And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;.

Rebekah came down to the spring to get water for the household. The servant asked for a drink, and notice, she did not refuse him because she was too busy, or even grudgingly do it as if she wished she did not have to. Instead, she respectfully addressed this man who was a another man's servant with the words, "My lord", and quickly lowered her water jar off her shoulder to give him a drink. But then, seeing his ten camels which had probably gone some time without water, she on her own volunteered to water them as well. At this point let me try to sketch out what this task probably meant.

One source I looked at said a camel can go three days without water with little difficulty, and that it will drink 5 to 7 gallons of water per day if available. If we assume that these camels had for some time been without water, we probably can assume that they drank at least 3 gallons each at one time here. That would be 30 gallons of water weighing 10#/gal. or a total of 300#. If you have ever carried a 5 gallon bucket of water, you know that Rebekah surely was not carrying that much in a heavy earthen vessel on her shoulder. Most likely her water jar held 2 or 3 gallons. Thus she would have had to make ten to fifteen trips in order to satisfy these ten thirsty camels. Furthermore, verse 16 indicates that she had to go down to the spring to fill her jar -- language which may mean that she descended steps into a large hole to reach the water of the spring and then had to carry that water up out of the hole. In fact, such springs with steps leading down to them have been found in the Middle East. All in all, Rebekah here was asking for a lot of work. And notice how she did it according to verse 20. "She quickly emptied her jar into the trough, and ran back to the well to draw . . ." In this she fully fulfilled the sign which Abraham's servant had asked of the Lord, and even went beyond it.

Leupold observes:

"The condition imposed is unusually apt. Readiness to serve embodies a number of other virtues: cheerfulness, courtesy, unselfishness, readiness to work. The amount of service required in this case would demand the prerequisite of good health and strength. For camels are notorious for their capacity to absorb water. The servant's stipulation was not for an ordinary favor easily bestowed. The girl measuring up to this requirement would certainly be very distinctly marked from all others by virtue of this accomplishment." (p. 665)

"Surely this is `hospitality without grudging' -- a fine and rare virtue." (p. 668)

Listen to Matthew Henry regarding these character traits in Rebekah:

"He desires that his master's wife might be a humble and industrious woman, bred up to care and labour, and willing to put her hand to any work that was to be done; and that she might be of a courteous disposition, and charitable to strangers. When he came to seek a wife for his master, he did not go to the playhouse or the park, and pray that he might meet one there, but to the well of water, expecting to find one there well employed." (p. 147, col. 1, top)

What do we learn from this picture? We learn that young ladies should diligently seek to cultivate such a respectful, kind, hard-working servant's spirit as preparation for marriage. For such a spirit will certainly attract the kind of godly husband that a godly young lady will desire.

Furthermore, parents should be careful to so train their daughters that these traits will be developed in them, instead of spoiling them and allowing them to live selfish lives in which they become used to having Mom wait on them. Notice that Rebekah evidently came from a well-to-do household in which there were servants, for her maids were sent with her when she justify to marry Isaac. However, her parents obviously had seen to it that she was not spoiled while growing up, and that she had learned to work hard and cheerfully out of a charitable spirit even though they were well-off financially. In the passage before us, she was still fetching water for the family even though there were household servants. Here is a valuable lesson for every parent of daughters to heed.

Finally, this picture provides young men with very important character traits which they should require in the young woman they are willing to marry -- that she be kind and generous, hard-working, courteous, and willing to serve the needs of others. You don't need a selfish, lazy wife and mother in your home young man -- no matter how beautiful she may be. There is simply too much work to be done -- especially if children come along. Take heed to the Word of God.

But now, briefly notice two final practices which are important in seeking a spouse before we move on to our final category of less